It’s been a while since I’ve posted, but I’ve had some nice thoughts today. Although several crappy things have happened to me recently, they have all been small and easy to get beyond. With that comes my constant rant that everything is transient and that it will always all work out for the best. But my newer rumination is this: sometimes happiness, as an overall sense of wellbeing, doesn’t need a reason—sometimes I can legitimately just be happy. For years I have sought happiness in many forms. I often gripe and worry over why I’m not happy, or where I’m at in life, or ‘Oh God, what IS my mindset, who AM I?!?!,’ but I’m starting to think…..who the hell knows, and why does it matter? I can be happy being impulsive and making decisions in the moment as long as they are generally decent decisions to make. I am allowed to do some stupid things as long as they won’t negatively affect me forever. I’ve already had my “I’m young, now is my time” post, I think, but it just keeps hitting me. Wherever it is that I am, I am okay. I am good. I am, in THIS moment, happy. Sure, some dumb crap happened this weekend. Yeah, I made an ass of myself once or twice, but once it was over, I hardly skipped a beat and was happy again. That is well-being. That is, I think, a large part of what so many of us strive for. I realize this post may be a bit vague or cryptic…..Or obnoxious even. I think what I’m trying to say is that there is joy in embracing impulsivity and living both in and beyond the moment. There is joy in looking forward, and wisdom in looking back. There is life, but only when you choose to embrace it. When your time is a blur, it often means you’re doing something right.
Oh, delirium. I wish I could say ‘it’s been a while,’ but who am I to pretend?
I’m sorry I haven’t missed you, but no sleep until the end.
And so I’ll dance your wicked step and laugh at your silly games.
Keeping my eyes open until they start to rain
A salty mess without a cause, just simply due to you.
Delirium, my careless friend, I beg to bid adieu.
Sadly I’m still sitting here, awake in some strange way.
So thank you, sweet delirium, for keeping my mind at bay.
I’m not sure how I’m feeling now, at a loss, and yet not quite.
I hardly even think of sleep, denying its respite.
So dance with me, delirium, and take away my care.
Without you now, perish the thought, the things my mind would dare.